The Thomas Richard Schubaltz Diaries
by Tanuki Kaoru
Summary: Thomas Richard Schubaltz is not at peace and decides to leave this world. Even there, his Spirit is not happy and lingers in the air, clouding the thoughts of the people close to him, until he can be truly free...Takes a peak at his childhood...
1. Stolen

Stolen by Miroko-chan.  
  
Hi out there! This is Miroko-chan (achh, call me Miri-sama!) and this is my first fic, it's called Stolen, and is based on the Song 'Stole' by Kelly Rowland, it has depression amongst my fave characters; Van, Fiona, Thomas, Irvine, Moonbay, Raven and some others. I know I will get flamed alot, but its MY fic and I choose HOW, WHAT, and WHERE.  
  
Thomas stared blankly out the window towards the Blade Liger as Van and Fiona went out on their date. 'Why couldn't it have been him?' he wondered, feeling his heart slowly crumbling into dust, 'what does he have that I dont?' His whole afternoon indoors was terrible, he was sitting in his 'bedroom' staring out the window into the gray, rainy sky. He had just bid his DiBison goodbye, because its Zoid core was damaged beyond repair, and the gloom of his life was upon him. Sure, he couldn't complain about his life, but he felt that it wasn't worth living anymore. Anyone who had first heard about him would've been really glad to meet him, but after that they seem to disappear into the shadows. He was a nice package, early 20s, college degree in computing, Guardian Force member for the Imperial Army, has world's first man-made organoid 'Beek' generally all round smart, nice guy. But something was missing in his life, he thought at first if he could achieve a nice decent life it would go away, but now he knew it was no empty space, it was all out depression. This depression had been with him since childhood. His brother, who he respects very much, Colonel Karl Lichen Schubaltz, had always been the favoured son in the Schubaltz family, and to others, he was just a second, a thing that only was there for the sake of existence, a lingering ghost who nobody could see or hear, and continued all the way to adulthood. Even now, it is still happening to him. 'Why me?' he thought miserably.  
  
A long time ago, he believed in self motivation, and was practically an impenetrable fortress in his will, but over the years his emotional health took a tumble, he was only known in the Guardian Force for one thing, Beek, due to this he slowly dwindled into the darkness that was depression, the light of happiness and joy diminishing in his sorrow-filled eyes, his fortress walls coming crashing down at his knees. He was quiet, for he knew if he bore his heart and soul, that would be the end of him. Rising slowly from his chair to get another glass of whisky, he waltzed over to the liquor stall of the base and took another bottle from the rack, poured it into his glass and sat down again. He sighed heavily. The only light in his darkness was his whisky, for it was sweet in his world full of bitter, his only friend, sure, he had Van, Fiona and the rest, but whisky he could truly be happy with, it made all his troubles and sorrows dissolve, leaving him in a temporary state of bliss. He knew this wasn't good, but it was his savior.  
  
He thought that he would be stuck in this cesspool of despair and sorrow until his dying day, which seemed a long time from now, as he was only in his early 20s. He took another sip of his whisky as he stared into the storm that was brewing outside, feeling like he was a little thing caught in that storm, whirled around in a constant whirlwind of depression. He suddenly had an idea, 'perfect' he thought to himself as he slowly rose from his chair.  
  
Thomas had gone to the computers room and had just booted up his Imac. He started typing up a letter, address to all his friends. The scary thing was what was in the letter. He had a wild glimmer in his eye, and his language used was unThomasly sweet, it sent a chill up his own spine as he himself read it. He added a remark to it that to him seemed perfect for the upcoming event, 'Love all' he added to the letter. 'Love all, love all,' the words in his head repeated themselves like a chiming pendulum in a clock. He went into Van's 'bedroom' and secretly took his knife, which used to be his Father's, and some simple sedatives, the only reason Van had sedatives was to let him get some sleep when Moonbay and Irvine were lovemaking, the expression on his face twisted with a truly sadistic smile that bore no emotion.  
  
Thomas left Van's room and headed back to his room and out onto the balcony. The sky was still a gloomy, depressing gray, with clouds seeming to protest against what he was going to do. He took out a handful of sedatives and swallowed them with his whisky. Within minutes he had lost all thought, the world swimming before his eyes, the clouds seemed to part to reveal the majestic staircase into Heaven. He took out the knife and admired its cold, silver, sharp blade and, clutching it tightly, letting go of the sickly letter from his hand, shoved it straight into his heart. Pain beyond pain as he ever felt was felt, his strength and will to live leaving him. The world had gone black and seemed to wilt. He looked down and saw that his blood had strewn and covered the balcony floor and was slowly dripping down the sides. 'Goodbye to this cruel world, goodbye to this agony and torture that is no that was my life, goodbye to all the people of the world,' and with his last ounce of life, said 'goodbye Fiona, my only love,' smiled and fell onto his knees before slumping face down onto the cold hard ground. He was dead.  
  
Moonbay had just come back from the shops and opened the door, she shivered, the base suddenly had an eerie, deathly appeal, Moonbay dropped her shopping bags, for she knew something was wrong, for her instinct suddenly picked up the smell of fresh blood. 'Thomas' she spoke. She rushed to his room, it was very creepy, for the aura was depressed and sorrowful, he wasn't there but something caught her eye as the wind ruffled up the balcony door's curtain. Something blood red. 'Oh God, please no,' she prayed, tears starting to leak from her eyes...  
  
She slowly parted the curtain, her heart praying that it wasn't what she thought it would be, but her mind was practically screaming the truth. "Oh no, poor Thomas, no, please no," silent tears falling down her face, her silent weeping became loud cries of sorrow as she saw the fallen man in front of her, the blood still oozing from the knife wound. She screamed, and ran to her Gustav to intercom the others for help, she had just opened the line of communication when Irvine came back from town in his Lightning Saix. "Bloody Furore gang and their darn Helcats," he muttered under his breath when... "Irvine!!!!!!!" cried the voice of his lover Moonbay, "come here quick! I need your help!!" He was taking his time to get to her when he heard her crying and bawling, he started a run towards her Gustav, where she was. The sight in front of his eyes was not one to easily be forgotten, her hands were covered with blood as she clutched a blood-stained letter to her heart. Tears falling down her face as she sank to her knees. "Is something wrong, dear," he asked tenderly. Moonbay handed him the piece of blood stained paper. "Oh my God," came Irvine's reply, some tears from his eyes falling down his face also. They ran to their Zoids and told the others of this sad news, they were all devastated.  
  
The following day, at his funeral, the Zi Media were going crazy, the death of the brother of Colonel Schubaltz was not something to be passed over. "We didn't know he was depressed, he should've said something to us," came Fiona's tearful reply to the reporter, "we thought he was happy." "Yeah, I thought he had everything he wanted, I should've gotten to know him better," said a mournful Van. "I'm so sorry Thomas, I should've spent more time with you," came the replies of the rest. They held an official funeral service for him and this would be the anniversary of the death of the great military man that was Thomas Richard Schubaltz. Perhaps the one who suffered the most was Van. The fact that his most prized possession; his father's knife, now was his sorrow, for it had killed one of his best friends, he could not bear to look at it again so he threw it into the lake he and Fiona drove past that day, losing both his Father and friend in one. His soul wanted to howl like a wolf too but he knew better. His grief beyond tears or howls. Fiona in tears concluded by saying, "Speak your mind."  
  
If only he had said something he would have benefited. This shows you that suicide is not the last choice in life. Bad things do happen and in this case the death could've been avoided if only he had chosen to say something.  
  
I know I will be flamed... 


	2. Confessions from a troubled soul

CONFESSIONS FROM A TROUBLED SOUL By Miroko-chan.  
  
Hello yet again, due to so many good reviews for my piece 'Stolen,' I have  
decided to write another piece, entitled Confessions From A Troubled  
Soul...  
The Spirit of Thomas Richard Schubaltz lingers in the very air they  
breathe, it clouds their thoughts until he gets free from his sorrow...  
************************************************************************  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Zoids. They belong to their respected companies  
and I give them the credit for creating this wonderful anime!!  
************************************************************************  
  
"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
"What's wrong Van dear?"  
The light is switched on. Van had a look of pure terror in his eyes, ever  
since Thomas' departure, he had not been the same. Waking up in the middle  
of the night, Paranoia, chills...the list was endless, Fiona was really  
worried about him, and quite often ended up slipping sedatives in his water  
to calm him.  
Van was rocking slightly in the bed, clutching the blankets around him,  
tears in his eyes.  
"It's all going to be alright, I am quite sure Thomas is happy, wherever he  
is."  
Van just stared staight into her warm loving eyes.  
"Fiona, if he was happy, why did he go and, a-"  
"He just, um, felt it was time to go, dear," she gave him a big warm hug,  
and a kiss on the cheek.  
Van laid back down onto the soft cushiony goodness of his pillow,  
"I still don't understand why? and drifted into fits of dreamless sleep.  
  
THE NEXT MORNING...  
Fiona arose to an empty bed, her mate had disappeared, she quickly got up,  
dressed, and grabbed a piece of toast before heading out to her Pteras  
Bomber to look for him.  
Meanwhile...  
Van was standing in front of the cliff he had once taken Fiona on a sunset  
date. It was truly a wonderful sight, the sky was a nice happy blue, the  
sun was bathing him in loads of bright sunshine and the wind blew a slight  
breeze across his once youthful now gaunt looks.  
His face used to be warm, loving and caring, now, he looks like he has that  
'lost hope and world of despair' glint in his eye, his face was pale, gaunt  
and sad.  
He stepped further out onto the edge and admired the sun, it was  
beautiful...  
He then took another step forward, if the slightest breeze flew past, he  
would be knocked off his feet into the crashing waves at the bottom, not to  
mention the jagged rocks.  
Fiona had just spotted him, and was practically going into a nose-dive to  
catch him as he descended on what he hoped to be his departure, but Fiona  
caught him, he landed on the right wing before Fiona pulled the Pteras up  
and landed it.  
Fiona had lost all calm, "Van Flyheight!!! Explain yourself!!!!!!! I was  
worried sick!!!"  
"If you truly loved me, dear, you would have let me fall."  
"I love you Van, but I would never let you fall, not if I can help it."  
Van sunk to the ground and started crying.  
"Van, sometimes in life, there are difficult things which you must face in  
life, but you can not dwell on it forever, you must move on. I know you  
cared alot about Thomas, but it was his choice to do what he did, you can  
not think for other people."  
"But then why did he go if he was happy, he was my best friend, often times  
we would have the occasional talk and end up splurging information, like he  
told me he was in love with you once, but I did not take notice, because  
he was, well, drunk. He was often drunk, I thought he like it for I liked  
it too, and I laughed at him."  
"But you didn't know..."  
"Huh, that's funny. He said it to me repeatedly. I thought he was lying. He  
would ask me during these times if I loved you, Fiona. I'd say yes, and I'd  
kill anybody who would interfere between us. He would also ask 'why do we  
live' or tell me he wished he had wings and could fly away. He even told me  
his deepest secret, although, I can not say, for I am forbidden to say it."  
They walked back to the Pteras Bomber and flew back to the base.  
Later, when it was evening, when the base was silent except for the wind  
brushing the tree leaves and the occasional dripping of water, Van snuck  
into Thomas' former room. He dashed along the eerie dark corridor, his  
shadow bouncing off the cold concrete wall, dancing with the dark shadows  
that were on the walls, he punched the code so that it would open. The door  
opened and he walked inside, he locked the door and made it soundproof, he  
pulled from beneath the bed a beautiful polished wooden box with jade  
encrusted in it, he picked the lock and it clicked open...  
Inside was a number of things that belonged to Thomas, his proper Guardian  
Force Badge, some Zi money, a gold pistol, a picture of the Schubaltz's,  
and a leather bound book with a Parker Fountain pen and ink.  
Van delicately opened the book and then..  
Van spun around and toppled off the chair. 'No, this can not be true,' he  
thought, he rubbed his eyes.  
Illuminated and sitting on the corner of the bed was the Spirit of Thomas  
Richard Schubaltz, and he had a sad look in his eyes....  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... 


	3. The Lone Wolf Rises Again

THE LONE WOLF RISES AGAIN. By Miroko-chan.  
  
*The Spirit of Thomas Richard Schubaltz has resurfaced, revealing himself to the sad, mournful eyes of Van, seeking for  
  
closure from his inner demons.*  
  
"Thomas, I...I.."  
  
he smiled, but the look in his eyes suggested otherwise.  
  
"Thomas," asked Van, tears threatening to leak from his eyes, "why?"  
  
I could never be happy on this earth, Van, you must understand that. What did you expect of me? To always have a smile on  
  
my face? To just stand there as you laugh at me continually? To die someday of a fanciful dream that was smashed by my best  
  
friend? No, I did what I did because for me life wasn't worth living anymore.  
  
"You caused a lot of grief to the people around, you, especially your brother, the Colonel has not been the same since and was  
  
admitted to a mental hospital after he tried to kill himself."  
  
"You know," Van's voice trembling out of anger a little bit, "where have you been all this time? If your not in Heaven, or the  
  
other place, where are you?"  
  
I am in a place called "Limbo" it is a place where people who are not settled are sent.  
  
"What do you mean 'not settled?'"  
  
"Why?"  
  
TBC.  
  
I am so sorry that this is really short but I have a ton of things to do, plus, this chapter is a prelude to a tear wrencher. So please, have patience. I am cutting Math homework to write this, and I would like to see some reviews please, remember; a critic's a writer's best friend. 


	4. The Return of the WarriorReflections Par...

THE RETURN OF THE WARRIOR/ REFLECTIONS, Pt I By Miroko-chan.  
  
Hey pplz! Sorry for my long absence, schoolwork has been extremely triffling for me and I really needed to study. I just had my Yearly Exams and so I really needed time to study. Anywho, here's the next chapter of the story...  
  
`The spirit of Thomas has resurfaced and now he is sheading his wings...`  
  
"What do you mean, 'not settled?'"  
  
Thomas sighed and stared into Van's eyes with his own. "I left this world without a care in the world, without seriously considering my choices, but now, I regret it badly."  
  
The wind howled outside the window and the moon shined over them. Van, slightly puzzled, "Why?"  
  
Suddenly, a white light engulfed them both and Van found himself in a completely different environment, a place filled with trees, flowers, and so much happiness and spared from the turmoil of Zi.  
  
"Welcome," said Thomas, " welcome to my childhood."  
  
Van looked around. He could see a very small and humble looking cottage, and, the front door opened, and he could see a small boy, only about 2-3 years old, walk out, holding presumably his mother's hand, this boy looked very familiar.  
  
"Thomas, is that-"  
  
"Yes, it is me Van."  
  
The 'little Thomas' walked out with his mother onto the broad pebbly gardenpath, a few seconds later, a huge shadow loomed over them both and the younger Karl walked out onto the path too,  
  
"Boo!"  
  
The younger Thomas started to cry. "Karl, don't do that! You're scaring Thomas," said Mrs. Schubaltz.  
  
"Sorry Mum, sorry little bro,"  
  
Thomas let go of his mother's hand and he started running back to the cottage. Van and the older Thomas glided after him.  
  
The younger Thomas ran straight to the back of the cottage, yanked open the back door, and ran straight into the shed.  
  
"Van, just to let you know, this is where my troubles started."  
  
TBC.  
  
Miri-san: Ok, I've taken a tip from Leni O and I'll hold my chapters hostage until I get 5 reviews.and as for the cliffie..BWAHAHAHA! The next few chapters will explain where in Thomas' childhood did it all start to crumble. Cheers. 


	5. Reflections Part 2

REFLECTIONS Pt II: By Miroko-chan.  
  
Hello! I felt really bad after that cliffie and this chapter is dedicated to Maelgwyn, since he gave me a huge nudge. Oh, and if you want to read a good fic, try leni o's Resurrected Soul, it so good! Anyway, on with the fic!  
  
"The past lives agin."  
  
They followed the former Thomas all the way to the back of the house and into the small shed, and the light slowly flickered on. The whole shed was filled with all sorts of technical gadgets and currently, the former Thomas went on his computer and the computer actually spoke to him.  
  
"Hello Master Thomas, welcome back."  
  
"Thanks a lot Beek, one day, I'll find a way to bring you out of the computer, and take you everywhere I go."  
  
"Thank you master, you are so kind."  
  
The cogs in Van's mind were hard at work trying to find out why Thomas had told him that this is where it had started to fall.  
  
"Thomas, where exactly does in all this does it all start to crumble?"  
  
He sighed. "From this point, I stopped spending time with my family, and spent all of my time in here, working on Beek, and my parents seemed to fade far away from me, and Karl started to get more recognised and from there on it became as if I was just a shadow, just there, lingering in the darkness, and fed of other people's love and happiness, it was from here that my family faded away, but I didn't care back then, instead, I concentrated more on my machines and I managed to transfer Beek to my newly acquired Zoid, the DiBison."  
  
The scene in front of them disappeared and was replaced by another, this time, it seemed as if they were inside a huge hangar and this time, Thomas was in his late teens and he had just mounted his Zoid, and took off.  
  
There was another huge flash, and they were back at the base.  
  
"Well, I hope you understand, Van. I simply cannot live on this mortal veil, anymore, the pain I suffer all my life has become to powerful to keep under my skin, and I will never be truly free."  
  
T.B.C.  
  
Miri-chan: Sorry pplz! Hope you understand, I've come to a point where I don't know what to do with the story so please bear with me.  
  
On a different note, which couple do you like better; Van and Fiona, or Thomas and Fiona? Please tell me in a review.  
  
Cheers, 


End file.
